Month: August 2014

I have mental problems. Caused by external factors, maybe. But I need to respond more healthily.

I don’t know why but I didn’t want to admit any shortcoming for years. Today, at the request of an advisor, I discussed my moods for the first time ever with a GP.

Maybe some of my emotional problems can be talked-through and solved with mere catharsis. Maybe some have external reasons.

But those external reasons don’t suddenly vanish. I’m bummed that I’m still not on a career path, 6 years after attaining a degree. Frankly, after finishing my degree, none of the work I’ve done has been intellectually stimulating at all.

That won’t change overnight. But I need to be able to deal with it despite that.

I should go to LoB and do fun things, even if I haven’t been perfect in my creative life.

I should go back to recording everything I do, minute by minute. Setting objectives each day, even if they’re fairly petty or just involve relaxation. It took an hour of my day away, probably, but it also meant I was more productive over the other 15 waking hours.

It’s one thing to be vaguely aware what your priorities are. It’s another to ensure that you don’t constantly fritter away your time on lower-priority things. It takes a concerted effort.

I will phone up the councilors again. I will phone up my GP next Thursday again.

I will start sorting my shit out.

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First post.

So, this is my first post. On a new blog. On another website.

I remember setting up my first website. Every single hit was exciting. I got nearly one a day! Back in those days of 26Kbps modems, I wasn’t even aware of bots and (perhaps wrongly) assumed that every hit was a real person, somewhere in the world, reading my words. Frankly, we need to take a step back sometimes. In these days when 1k hits/day isn’t much, we need to remember that those numbers could be individual, real people, enjoying our words, our creations!

Nearly a decade later, I discovered Newgrounds. I submitted an animation – ‘Farming Fungus’. On Newgrounds, a game or animation needs a few hundred folk to vote on it before it even passes judgement! That was pretty exciting! And I got a few reviews – folk actually responding to my animation and letting me know their thoughts!

It’s great to have the comments and 2-way communication. Ultimately, that’s the hope behind anything we upload – that it’ll engage others enough to respond.

This isn’t my first blog. I started one all about videogames, then another on boardgamegeek.com. Those first entries were exciting forays into a new world. Would people stumble upon these words? Would I get any comments? Or would I be shouting into the wind?

Ultimately, those blogs only allowed me to write about one topic. And sometimes, shouting into the wind is enough. Sometimes, the mere act of writing things down is enough. Catharsis. Solidifying thoughts. Practising the skill of writing. Getting into the habit of making something imperfect and ‘releasing’ it into the world, for folk to see, with all the blemishes that exist on its surface.

There are many reasons to write. If I want comments, I’ll go elsewhere. If I want a response or validation or confirmation of my existence, there are friends or groups I can speak to or show things to ‘in real life’.

So here, I write whatever I want. As an exercise.

This is for me.

This is me.