I need to keep going and genuinely try my hardest.

This morning, my main focus is on my KS.

Part of me, interestingly, just wants to throw it all in.

There’s a glimmer of hope. I mean, 4 backers/hour is within the realms of possibility. But given the rest of the campaign and the relatively low number of backers I have to share the project with their friends, the possibility seems too low to consider.

Accepting that it’s not funded, at least I have some peace. I can move on, think about how to proceed (with a publisher or doing a 2nd KS myself). I can start thinking about other things without feeling guilty that I should be focusing 100% on this project.

Oh, how I’d like to just get back to working on one of the other ideas I have. I know that this isn’t my only good idea. But will my execution of a simple eurogame be up to par? I believe so, but I’d like to prove it to myself.

And yet I see friends sharing my link, and backers who have supported me and I know that to just step away from the computer for a few hours would be doing them a disservice.

Yet, what can I do? Previous attempts to garner attention have failed. I’ve put together the final video. It seems futile.

But with the hope, there’s that fear of failure.

Failure when there was no other option doesn’t sting. Failure against insurmountable odds is not failure. Failure in quality when you focus exclusively on quantity (for brainstorming or other creative challenges) isn’t true failure.

But this is something I had a chance to do and I’ve got to let the campaign finish, e-mail some more folk and see what happens. Throwing in the towel is a way for me to laugh and say, “Haha – I didn’t really fail. I chose to do this.” But that’s not true. It wasn’t true when I stopped attending classes at uni and it wasn’t true when I basically declined to submit work.

Maybe it wasn’t even fear of failure that stopped me from taking that final step. In some cases, I had work that I’d done and simply declined to submit.

Maybe it was fear of being judged. Or of failure being out of my control.

I don’t know. I wish I could analyse even my own brain perfectly. That’d probably be more than anyone.

I’m just hypothesising.

Regardless, it’s something that I need to change.

Give it my all. Do my best. Until the end. It’s hard to keep going when the odds are against you but giving up isn’t the answer.

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